10 Reasons why I think I just might be in love with you

1,  For you it was love at first sight(you tell me this everyday) for me i'm not even sure i'm in love with your toes yet.

2,  You are the Ying to my Yang, you are so good at mathematics while its not my favourite anything, so someday(if there is a someday) I can conveniently tell the kids to go give daddy their maths homework and then I would gladly help with the English.

3,   I'm phlegmatic to your choleric, you are Mr self confident and I am comfortable being the wall flower, i'm very sceptical about every decision I make, everyone and their mother  who know me know that I can worry and over analyse for Africa. You on the other hand are very optimistic, you see life in shades of orange and magenta. You should be the face of lucozade, you have so much energy its infectious.

4, You more than anyone know that you are not perfect, you are so accepting of your flaws and short comings. You like to include God in everything, I ask you how is the thesis for your doctorate going and you say God is helping me, God this, God that. You are so obsessed with your creator, i'm not complaining, if I was then this list wouldn't have a number four.

5,  You and your suits and ties!!!! It was I who saw you first on the day we met(I bet you didn't know that) and the first thing I thought to my self was "look at this one strutting about  in that grey suit like he owns the building" . You like to say that you are a gentleman, and that you are learned and so you should look like a gentleman. When you say this I smile smugly but in my mind I say bros carry go! nothing do you!

6, I used to think my laugh was weird, now I know better . I think you sound like a cross between a howling wolf and  a laughing hyena when you laugh what I do not understand is why for the life of me I want to hear that laugh everyday.

7, With you there are no rose coloured glasses, I never have to care about my short comings or meeting up to expectations, with you I'm learning to embrace my flaws and imperfections.

8, I like to argue with you for no reason, the general notion of me is that I am calm, so its weird that with you i'm always pushing for a fight . I think its because I just like being the woman who gives you wahala.

9, Most days I don't like the shape of your nose, but when i'm PMSing I think its a work of art.

10,  Because...because I think I just might be in love with you.

Yoruba Demon

          A Yoruba Demon is any guy of Yoruba descent who is a serial heart breaker. Like every girl who has even been with a Yoruba demon, I have my share of experiences. My first experience with a Yoruba demon was when I was 7 and so was he, apparently there is no age limit to the prerequisites that come with the Job description.  Deji was class captain and I was the shy newbie and like all Yoruba Demons worldwide he was exceptionally charming and really cute. Deji was my knight in shining armor and my personal voltron. He warded off my bullies, he shared his choco biscuit, jenka gum and saccharine laced juice with me during lunch. He became my best friend. well besties I taught we were until the day he took me behind the block of primary 2 classes and Pouting his chubby lips, asked me if I liked him. I replied in the affirmative he then told me to prove it by kissing him. I ran away as fast as my skinny legs could carry me that was my very first experience with a Yoruba Demon.

             My next experience was with Jide I had meet him on my way to the school cafeteria during one of the visiting days in my all girls boarding school, he had been looking for directions to marigold house. Jide had this smile that could melt a thousand glaciers, beautiful dark ebony skin and I was smitten I decided to forgo the days lunch of jollof rice and fish and rather walk him down to his destination. Like all typical girl meets boy, girl likes boy stories Jide became my favorite person I looked forward to his “from my fountain of love,I pick this  golden pen to write you this letter”  notes, his cards and other cheap sentimental knick knacks he sent my way. I thought our love story was one written in the stars by Venus herself I mean who just randomly bumps into the love of their live on their way to the cafeteria? I came down from seventh heaven the day I heard Nneka and Tochi talking about same ol’ Jide and how he even got them lavish gifts like perfumes, teddies and rose flowers. My 13 year old heart was crushed apparently I wasn’t the only mosquitoe in his net as he liked to call me. There were many of us, three others besides Nneka and Tochi as I would later get to know.

         Tosin was the next Yoruba Demon that would come into my life, Tosin fine Tosin with with his well groomed facial hair, glistening caramel skin, wash board abbs…  Tosin was your typical eye candy. What you would also get to know about Tosin when you struck a conversation with him was that he was an intellectual and like all sapiosexuals, I was charmed. The first day I met him, we had talked about our take on life and the world in general for hours on end. We shared the same outlook on a lot of issues and he was polite about proclivities of mine that he didn’t quite agree with. I and tosin became Boo and Bae two weeks after our first meeting. This time around and at 21 I felt that I was older and wiser and could distinguish between toxic and healthy plus I knew within my soul that he was the one! I was happy, was in Love, I thought we where basking in the euphoria of the kind of romance spanish soap operas are made of until the day the bubble busted. He had gotten a message from customer care earlier about a refund policy of some sort so I thought it strange when I saw customer care on caller ID, I decided to pick the call. From that call and from extensively snooping his list of contacts I later get to know that he had a bevy of baby mamas and apparently I had only been a side chick.

          Adekunle wasn't exactly easy on the eyes with his short and pudgy physique,I thought that if they  if werent good looking they could at least be faithful. I had meet him in church, I joined the hospitality unit of my church and that was where we met. The first time we met he told me that I was his Iyawo and that it was God ordained, he said that he had been believing God for a wife and that the moment he saw me he knew that God had answered his prayers. Adekunle went as far as a proposal with a lovely engagement ring to booth, all his friends(fellow demons) addressed me as our wife. I thought finally! here is one yoruba man that will prove the rest of them wrong but alas! like all yoruba men world wide it is in their genome to be unfaithful, break your heart, hit the high road and leave you high and dry.

To whom it may concern

       The probability that I would get to marry a man whose first name is Victor is very high, in Nigeria that moniker happens to be a very ubiquitous one. You see Nigerian parents do not joke with names and their meanings so there's every probability that you would be named Blessing, Joy, wisdom, success and of recent Goodluck( we all know the inspiration for that one) or some other banal name that represents the expectations of a parent for their child. Luckily for me I didn't get named  patience or endurance but i happen to have an old aged hebrew name that belongs to someone from 10 B.C not that i'm complaining Eunice is a nice name I mean you get to anagram nice from it plus people always get the assumption that you are nice because there's nice in your name. Oh the irony!

          Don't get me wrong I love my name, I especially love its meaning it means blessed with good victory. That means that whatever happens to me in life and whatever hurdle I face, I would always stay winning! awesome stuff if I should say so myself.

        For this reason I happen to be drawn to Victors or they happen to be drawn to me lets just say that we are drawn to eachother. I have met a plethora of Victors, dumb Victor's, smart Victors, ass hole Victors, charming Victors you name it. My favourite Victor will be Victor.C.O.

About V.C.O
      I met him last year in most unconventional way possible, we started off as friends and good friends we where until we decided to make it more than that and it totally boomeranged and killed our awesome friendship.

Reasons why you like Victor

       My oh my my! if you looked up sexy in a dictionary it would be him, he is funny, really smart, talented and he is Mr very self motivated him self. My favourite quirk of his used to be how he had the ability to forget stuff, if he contested for Hottest Mr partial amnesia  he did win hands down.

More reasons?
         I could talk to him about anything, he gave the best advice, he helped me grow in ways I didn't know of, he helped me be a more confident version of myself without judging for my lapses or short falls. As a matter of fact I owe this blog to him, he told me to make something out of my writing.

Why did you stop liking each other?
          He was rather intense so was I

Other reasons?
        Next question?

Do you miss him?
       Always!

            

single and chasing pavements

I came back from my peanut paying job yesterday highly fatigued and tired after greeting my mum the first thing she said was your cousin F came by today to tell us that she is getting married then,she gave me this where is your own husband look.I woke up by 12 am this morning because I heard someone cryin, that piqued my curiosity. Lo and behold, it was none else than mum praying earnestly  and beseeching God to give her only daughter a husband.Seeing her like that really got to me.

      So for my lunch break today, I decided to go to the poshest and most expensive restaurant in town to haunt for a husband. The only money I had on me was the 1K I had been carrying on me all week, I decided that spending it on food that tasted like dirty socks was a good investment(I pride myself in making good investments) as long as I could snag myself a good catch preferably a tall chocolate skinned dude, with well groomed facial hair,  wash board abbs, good teeth, and  diction.
 
       I took a bike to **** restaurant, I got myself a good seat in the executive lounge(that's where bankers and big boys eat), ordered grilled fish for #700(thats the only thing I could afford on the menu)and a bottle of diet coke for #150. As I nibbled the fish, I would occasionally check out the other patrons. All the men there were either heavily obessed with gigantic pot bellies to boot and the ones who looked cute either wore wedding bands or came along with female dates.

      After forcing the awful fish down my throat and fiddling with my phone for an hour it dawned on me that I wasn't going to be meeting Mr right today. So, fuming internally I paid for the bland tasting fish. To make matters worse after paying for the food I asked the waiter for my #150 change and then he gave me this smug look when he said "Madam that one na service charge".The poor exploitative fool doesn't want to know all the expletives I used to describe him in my mind. I just picked my bag and walked out of the damn place.

So, I just spent 1K for nothing and I am still single and chasing pavements.