Rain, so they don't see my tears

They say that everything happens for a reason. But there are no reasons for certain predicaments we find ourselves, sometimes life just deals us cards we didn't ask for.

Yesterday I cried, I cried like I hadn't cried in years. I cried like my heart would break, I cried like I needed redemption. I cried because the pain had reached its boiling point and had combusted like an angry volcanoe.

Crying is something I rarely do. But when you are put down and your legitimate lifestyle choices are put down by someone who claims to love you. Someone who knows how vulnerable you are because you just had a bad break up.

Then I cried again because he almost raped me. His excuse was "You are my girlfriend and I want to make love to you". When begging and bargaining did not seem to be working, biting his tongue severely seemed to do the trick.

I came home, I showered and lay on my bed. Told no one because there is no one to tell. I thought long and hard, I tossed and turned on my bed and when I slept I had nightmares.

I want to ask why this is happening to me. May be I deserved it, all I wanted was someone that would help me find closure, someone that would prove to me that it pays to love for the right reasons because love is something I also deserve.