Bahala na is Tagalog for Come what may

In 2007 or 2008 I can't remember which year or what day it was. But I do remember that it was a cold evening. She like the other children of diplomats who had to been brought to our school in the middle of the term from some other country fascinated the rest of us.

I would watch them surreptiously at the dinning hall. While the rest of us ate the yam and egg sauce that made everyone drowsy during the morning lectures. They were the only exception to that attrocious meal. Watching them delicate nibble at their sausages with the right piece of cutlery and how they spoke of their experience in a far away place that I knew of only because my fantasies were what my dreams were made of.

The day she shared with the rest of us her gift for telling the future. I was one out the many curious people who lay out our palms for her to read. I would never forget that cold night and I would never forget what she said.

She said "You will have a rough start with life at first and then someone would come who would make life beautiful". She also said as she traced the lines on my palm "Your love life would be rough, smooth and rough".

I believed her and I claimed those words as truth. Because I belived in fairy tales, I wanted to be Cinderella who got saved.

She failed and she had to resit that class and I really do wonder why she never saw that coming with all the fortune telling that she did for others. That would have been the best way to know that she was a sham but I was much to seduced by the awe of meeting the prince charming promised to me. The one who was going to be my saviour.

After getting my heart broken and after the long nights and tear stained pilours. I know now more than ever that there will be no dashing prince whose life mission is to save me.

Now I know that I must save my self. I must be strong for myself, I must be the woman I was born to be without out any man doing the heavy lifting. Now I know, that I am my own herione.

Have I ruled out on love inspite of all i've been through? certainly not! But I am not going to struggle to find it any longer like is the Holy Grail. I am going love my self, take care of myself because Bahana la I deserve to be happy.

And happy I will be.