Monday, 29 February 2016

There are Parents, and then there are parents

Next time when you are resenting your parents because they molly coddle you so much that you find it very stifling I did recommend that you remember Sofia's story so that you can understand that you have had it lucky.

           While most parents punish kids by sending them to their room, Sofia
Petrova’s mother went a little further than that – she exiled her
misbehaving daughter to another country. The 18-year-old hasn’t been
home in three years; her mother hasn’t permitted her to return in spite of
repeated apologies and pleas.

So how does a parent actually convince a 15-year-old high school
freshman to board a plane to Siberia? Well, it turns out that Sofia was
tricked. Her mother and stepfather told her that they were sending her on
a three-week vacation to visit her biological father for the first time. But
when Sofia reached Novosibirsk city, she realised the chilling truth – there
was no return ticket.

That’s when her mother and stepfather informed her that she was actually
being ‘punished’ for her typical teenager behavior – flunking school,
running away from home and stealing money. She was to remain in Siberia
with her father until she learned to change her ways. Sofia was pretty
much helpless; although she grew up in the US, she was born in Siberia
and had a Russian passport. So she needed her mother’s consent to
return.

Sofia’s mother, Natalia Roberts, is a Soviet-born US citizen with an
American husband, Jim Roberts. The couple had pretty much abandoned
Sofia in a country that was alien to her, with a man she barely knew. To
make matters worse, Sofia’s birth father turned out to be a drunk who
often beat her up and abused her. She had no money and was forced to
work at a local hostel in order to cover her expenses.

Poor Sofia made repeated pleas to her family back in the US, begging them
to bring her back. “I want to come home,” she wrote in a letter to her
mother last year. “To come back to you. I ask you one more time, please
take me back. Please find it in your heart to forgive my mistakes that I
made as a pre-teen. You are the only family that I have. I need you.”

In spite of those heart-wrenching words, Natalia still couldn’t bring herself
to forgive Sofia. The girl ended up severely depressed and had to flee to a
local children’s center to escape her poor living conditions. She even tried
to take her own life at one point. Meanwhile, her friends in the US caught
wind of what was happening to her and organised protests and campaigns
in her favor. But there wasn’t much they could do to help her return.
The local media began to cover the story extensively, and a Facebook page
was set up where Sofia posted updates about her condition. She also
issued frequent pleas on social media for her family to take her back. “I
want to graduate from an American high school (and) I want to do it
quickly, to finish within two years,” she wrote.

In response, her stepfather posted a very harsh message: “Sofia, from the
time that you went to Russia, we have told you that it will be very simple
for you to return. Recognise that the path you were going down would end
badly for you and try to change it. That’s all. We told you that trying other
ways would not work for you. You have not tried the one thing that will
bring you back, but you continue to try others.” It isn’t clear what exactly
he was referring to, as Sofia seems to have apologised for her past
mistakes.

But luck was eventually on Sofia’s side as her strange story took an even
more bizarre twist. With the help of a few friends, she managed to track
down her mother’s ex-boyfriend Farid Soulimani, who practically raised her
as a child. In fact, she had actually believed that he was her father until
the age of 13. However, they had lost contact for over six years after he
had a bad breakup with her mother.

When Soulimani heard of Sofia’s struggles, he was heartbroken. While he
still lives in the US, he immediately arranged for her to visit his family in
Morocco and flew there himself to meet with her. “It’s not a new family,”
Sofia said. “I remember my grandma (presumably Soulimani’s mother)
from when I was a little girl and she had come to visit. It was nice to see
a familiar face.

Under her grandmother’s care, Sofia grew stronger and happier within a
month’s time. But when she returned to her father’s home in Siberia, she
found that she had lost her job and her boyfriend had dumped her. She
was miserable once again, and that’s when she decided to make Morocco
her permanent home. “Everyone is just so loving here,” she said. “It’s nice
to wake up every morning to hugs and kisses.”

Now that she’s 18, Sofia has moved to Casablanca, and has decided to
adopt Farid’s last name. She is studying French in an attempt to integrate
into society, and is also in the process of getting her official
documentation completed to allow her to stay in Morocco indefinitely, so
that she never has to return to Siberia.

Sofia now plans to write a tell-all book where she will reveal everything
that she has faced in the past three years. “There are many things I never
shared and many secrets that I kept. All of this is going to be included in
my book,” she said. “It goes into details about my relationship with my
mom, biological father, and men that have been in my life. People know my
story, but they only know a little part of it.”

When Sofia made the announcement about the book on Facebook, she
once again invited her mother’s wrath. After blasting her for not keeping
the details of her life private, Natalia wrote: “I wish you all the best and I
forgive you for bringing so much pain to my family and me.”
In reply, Sofia refused to apologise for wanting to tell her tale: “I’m not
asking for your forgiveness though. Nothing I did was worth three-and-a-
half years of the misery I was put through. Shame on you.”

It has now been several months since Sofia contacted her mom, and she
isn’t sure if she is even aware of her move to Morocco. “She is no longer a
part of my life, I’ve moved on,” she said. But she still hopes to return to
the United States, where she has a sister. She is working with an
immigration attorney on various options.

“I haven’t given up hope,” she said. “I would love to be able to rebuild a
bond with my sister. I don’t know if that would be possible but it’s
something that I dream of.”

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