"Now that we have shape"

        I was a late bloomer, when I was 14 my biology teacher had used me as her example for the anatomy of the human skeleton because I was the closest  example she could make. I didn't get to wear an actual bra until in my first year in University. The downsides of being a late bloomer are extensive first there is the matter of your crush who doesn't spare you a second glance but fancies dumb Zainab with the big boobs.

         Quoting that part of the bible from Habbakuk or so that says though it may tarry, wait for it, it shall surely come. In high school I remember looking at other girls green with envy when they filled out so nicely in their uniforms I on the other hand looked like a cross between Willow Smith and Ariana Grande in my uniform. But alas even though it tarried I can also now use the hash tag #TeamCurvy

          "Now that I have shape"  I can say that I'm enjoying the perks and the dividends of it like how I can now comfortably get to wear bodycon dresses and there's the thrill and extra rush of dopamine you get when you know those guys are checking you out. But you know the best part of it all? I have learnt a lot about body shaming and the effects it has on young girls and just how much effect it could have on one's self esteem when you look different.

          Now that I am older and wiser, I know that I you are not defined by the mile stones your body hits when you reached or didn't reach a certain age you are defined by how brave you were when you were the ugly duckling.

Yoruba Demon

          A Yoruba Demon is any guy of Yoruba descent who is a serial heart breaker. Like every girl who has even been with a Yoruba demon, I have my share of experiences. My first experience with a Yoruba demon was when I was 7 and so was he, apparently there is no age limit to the prerequisites that come with the Job description.  Deji was class captain and I was the shy newbie and like all Yoruba Demons worldwide he was exceptionally charming and really cute. Deji was my knight in shining armor and my personal voltron. He warded off my bullies, he shared his choco biscuit, jenka gum and saccharine laced juice with me during lunch. He became my best friend. well besties I taught we were until the day he took me behind the block of primary 2 classes and Pouting his chubby lips, asked me if I liked him. I replied in the affirmative he then told me to prove it by kissing him. I ran away as fast as my skinny legs could carry me that was my very first experience with a Yoruba Demon.

             My next experience was with Jide I had meet him on my way to the school cafeteria during one of the visiting days in my all girls boarding school, he had been looking for directions to marigold house. Jide had this smile that could melt a thousand glaciers, beautiful dark ebony skin and I was smitten I decided to forgo the days lunch of jollof rice and fish and rather walk him down to his destination. Like all typical girl meets boy, girl likes boy stories Jide became my favorite person I looked forward to his “from my fountain of love,I pick this  golden pen to write you this letter”  notes, his cards and other cheap sentimental knick knacks he sent my way. I thought our love story was one written in the stars by Venus herself I mean who just randomly bumps into the love of their live on their way to the cafeteria? I came down from seventh heaven the day I heard Nneka and Tochi talking about same ol’ Jide and how he even got them lavish gifts like perfumes, teddies and rose flowers. My 13 year old heart was crushed apparently I wasn’t the only mosquitoe in his net as he liked to call me. There were many of us, three others besides Nneka and Tochi as I would later get to know.

         Tosin was the next Yoruba Demon that would come into my life, Tosin fine Tosin with with his well groomed facial hair, glistening caramel skin, wash board abbs…  Tosin was your typical eye candy. What you would also get to know about Tosin when you struck a conversation with him was that he was an intellectual and like all sapiosexuals, I was charmed. The first day I met him, we had talked about our take on life and the world in general for hours on end. We shared the same outlook on a lot of issues and he was polite about proclivities of mine that he didn’t quite agree with. I and tosin became Boo and Bae two weeks after our first meeting. This time around and at 21 I felt that I was older and wiser and could distinguish between toxic and healthy plus I knew within my soul that he was the one! I was happy, was in Love, I thought we where basking in the euphoria of the kind of romance spanish soap operas are made of until the day the bubble busted. He had gotten a message from customer care earlier about a refund policy of some sort so I thought it strange when I saw customer care on caller ID, I decided to pick the call. From that call and from extensively snooping his list of contacts I later get to know that he had a bevy of baby mamas and apparently I had only been a side chick.

          Adekunle wasn't exactly easy on the eyes with his short and pudgy physique,I thought that if they  if werent good looking they could at least be faithful. I had meet him in church, I joined the hospitality unit of my church and that was where we met. The first time we met he told me that I was his Iyawo and that it was God ordained, he said that he had been believing God for a wife and that the moment he saw me he knew that God had answered his prayers. Adekunle went as far as a proposal with a lovely engagement ring to booth, all his friends(fellow demons) addressed me as our wife. I thought finally! here is one yoruba man that will prove the rest of them wrong but alas! like all yoruba men world wide it is in their genome to be unfaithful, break your heart, hit the high road and leave you high and dry.

Don't be like Bill

    Even if you live in the north pole I bet you must have seen the Be Like Bill viral meme on Facebook. The meme which has garnered over 1.5 million likes on Facebook was created 25 year old Eugeniu Criotoru in 2015. His creation Bill gives passive aggressive advice to social media users on how to act when using the internet.

       So why has the Be Like Bill meme become so viral and why does everyone seem to want some sort of validation from a stick figure that doesn't even have a nose? why are we even taking lifestyle advice from a stick figure with some banal name like Bill in the first place. Another variation of the Be Like the Bill or Emily meme is the Be Like Qodos of Afghanistan which encourages users to do good.

      Don't be Like Bill or Emily or Qodos or Quasimodo be like you  !

NIGERIAN GRADUATES AND UNEMPLOYABILITY: WHICH WAY FORWARD?

  some time ago I sent this article in as my piece for a competition unfortunately I didn't win. I thought to share it with the world from this platform. 

            A very ubiquitous American aphorism coined by one time American president John. F. Kennedy says “ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country”. This premise though American is quite plausible when related to the situation of the “Nigerian unemployable graduate”. According to the bureau of statistics, the unemployment rate in Nigeria in the year 2010 was 21.1%, in 2011 it was 23.9%, in 2012 it was 28.9, and in 2013 it progressed to 32.7%.
          The evidence of the critical situation of unemployment in the country was best portrayed by the Nigerian Immigration Service (NIS) recruitment exercise where approximately one million job seekers applied for positions available to only a few hundred.

           The enormous number of unemployed graduates in the country is disturbing but what is even more perturbing is the number of graduates that are adjudged to be unemployable or rather unknowledgeable. The derelict nature of the Nigerian education system without gain-say is very much responsible for this problem. In a situation where these so called unemployable graduates have being written off as consequences of several failed government administrations what remedy then should be given to ensure that there a place in the scheme of things in society for this social group who have been adjudged unfit for the Nigerian labor market?

             Every malady has a cure, every problem has a solution. A graduate who has been deemed unemployable by the powers that be of an organization should not use that as an avenue to start a pity-party rather he/she should see that as a challenge. John Milton in his book, Paradise Lost says “the mind is its own place , and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven” what this implies is that every individual has the capacity to broaden his/her minds horizons by reading books related to his/her discipline. Reading books besides those assigned in the school curriculum go a long way in making an individual achieve the feat of being very knowledgeable. This can be done by inculcating a good reading culture. Unfortunately, the reading culture is almost none existent in the domain of the youths of the Nigerian society

                 The importance of entrepreneurship is one that cannot be over emphasized. There is no short cut to achieving success either in the public or private sectors. Unemployed graduates need to get irrational illusions of some day working in oil industries and come to terms with actualities. Money spent trying to keep up with the ever changing trends in technology, the social media, or the fashion industry should be invested in more remunerative endeavors or better yet investing in learning vocational or survival skills that will enable them become job creators instead of job seekers and in the long run bring them out of the throes of poverty and want.

               To encourage the spirit of entrepreneurship in the country, incentives should be created that would encourage and motivate graduates who have taken the brave decision to start up their very own enterprises. Low interest loans should be given to such individuals or better yet basic materials that their businesses will require to take-off smoothly. Again, free symposiums and capacity development services such as leadership and entrepreneurship seminars hosted by well established individuals or business organizations should be carried in form of corporate social responsibility to encourage such graduates who are desirous to become or who are young entrepreneurs.

       The media should produce programs that portray the merits of graduate entrepreneurship. This move will trigger the interests of other unemployed graduates in the country and in the long run will lead to an influx of more self employed graduates.

Just a dash of Different

        Every parent thinks that their child is the best thing since chilled lemonade on a hot sunny day.Every parent is convinced that their child is the poster kid for perfection. I want to be a parent someday hopefully a mother of three, two charming girls and one darling boy, I've even picked names and all.

        What then happens when you have a child who is a bit different, in this case different could be that boy who is every bit of effeminate or your little girl who is socially inept and withdrawn. I know that when we wrote our fantasies this wasn't how we expected them to play out. Because that's what they are, fantasies.

           Believe it or not there will always be that child who is going to be different from the lot and he or she might just be yours. I think that we have a biased and distorted notion of what different represents. Different means the unconventional, Different means exotic, Different means distinct. As upcoming parents of the next generation its important that we have this paradigm shift.

       Helen Keller was different and so was Steve Hawkings, Amelia Earhart, Albert Einstein, Oprah Winfrey, Fredrick Douglas...

       

An entitled Generation

      Get an Education they said, that way you will be sure to get a good job. You don't need to get some random skill set in some useless vocation like making jewelry its for people who can not afford to get an education they said. Study hard at school and make good grades you will certainly get a good job once you are done with school they said.

         Now they have the effrontery  to call me entitled. You should note that I am quite familiar with the term entitlement what I do not understand is why its become an important part of their vocabulary whenever I walk into the room.

         When you brush your teeth with their water they say ah! your generation is so entitled when I was your age I already had a house of my own, when you watch the news on their TV they say ah! your generation is so entitled we didn't have the opportunities you have now.

         Oh yes entitlement but allow me to ask  are we still basking in the euphoria of entitlement when we have to struggle with one million other "entitletees" for twelve slots in a government parastatal?

          Are we still entitled when we have to create jobs that have never existed, jobs that you didn't even know could exist. If you think I lie then please by all means introduce me to one of your fifty year old friends who is a social media manager or better yet an online PR personnel or even perhaps a gossip blogger. Yes that's how entitled we are.

         Are we still basking in the euphoria of entitlement when we have to pay through our noses to learn those skill sets we used to call mediocre because now our options are few I mean its either the blue collar or no collar at all right? Oh how entitled we must be!

         

To whom it may concern

       The probability that I would get to marry a man whose first name is Victor is very high, in Nigeria that moniker happens to be a very ubiquitous one. You see Nigerian parents do not joke with names and their meanings so there's every probability that you would be named Blessing, Joy, wisdom, success and of recent Goodluck( we all know the inspiration for that one) or some other banal name that represents the expectations of a parent for their child. Luckily for me I didn't get named  patience or endurance but i happen to have an old aged hebrew name that belongs to someone from 10 B.C not that i'm complaining Eunice is a nice name I mean you get to anagram nice from it plus people always get the assumption that you are nice because there's nice in your name. Oh the irony!

          Don't get me wrong I love my name, I especially love its meaning it means blessed with good victory. That means that whatever happens to me in life and whatever hurdle I face, I would always stay winning! awesome stuff if I should say so myself.

        For this reason I happen to be drawn to Victors or they happen to be drawn to me lets just say that we are drawn to eachother. I have met a plethora of Victors, dumb Victor's, smart Victors, ass hole Victors, charming Victors you name it. My favourite Victor will be Victor.C.O.

About V.C.O
      I met him last year in most unconventional way possible, we started off as friends and good friends we where until we decided to make it more than that and it totally boomeranged and killed our awesome friendship.

Reasons why you like Victor

       My oh my my! if you looked up sexy in a dictionary it would be him, he is funny, really smart, talented and he is Mr very self motivated him self. My favourite quirk of his used to be how he had the ability to forget stuff, if he contested for Hottest Mr partial amnesia  he did win hands down.

More reasons?
         I could talk to him about anything, he gave the best advice, he helped me grow in ways I didn't know of, he helped me be a more confident version of myself without judging for my lapses or short falls. As a matter of fact I owe this blog to him, he told me to make something out of my writing.

Why did you stop liking each other?
          He was rather intense so was I

Other reasons?
        Next question?

Do you miss him?
       Always!